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Pro Tips for Magical Self-Pleasure

Self-pleasure is your all-in-one tool for cultivating self-compassion, building intimacy in relationships, empowering your life, and creating magic.  It’s way more than just a quickie with yourself!

There are two ways that you can self-pleasure: in a self-pleasure practice, or just for fun.  

What’s the difference, you might ask?  You’re probably used to self-pleasuring for fun: it’s an open-ended activity, and it probably ends with your release or ejaculation. 

A self-pleasure practice is focused and intentional, lasts at least 10 minutes, and incorporates breathing, awareness, relaxation, and intentional movement of sexual energy and orgasm.  There is also no release during a self-pleasure practice because it’s all about conditioning your sex system and expanding your sexual power. 

When you make self-pleasure a practice, one that honors your body and regularly exercises your sex system and sexual-creative energy, the benefits extend far beyond pleasure.

How Self-Pleasure Enhances Your Life  

Whether you use it as a practice or for fun, you’ll find that your self-pleasure sessions can be a versatile and accessible healing tool that’s always available to you. 

*NOTE: We recommend a 2:1 ratio of practice vs. fun for these sessions. 

Self-pleasure enhances your well-being in a few ways:

PHYSICALLY, self-pleasuring exercises your sex system by pumping blood to your genitals and strengthening your sex muscles.  Conditioning your body this way doesn’t just deliver pleasure and sensation, it’s also been shown to reduce the risk of heart attack and can help to balance your endocrine system. 

EMOTIONALLY, self-pleasure helps you connect more intimately with yourself. Not only does this deepen all of your emotional experiences, but it can also help with desire discrepancy between couples in a relationship.  Knowing YOURSELF on a deeper level builds trust, helps with communication, and boosts attraction between you and your partner.

PSYCHOLOGICALLY, when you learn to OWN your orgasm through self-pleasure, you also learn self-efficacy and how to trust yourself more fully.  Your self-pleasure practice can help you develop confidence in your ability to execute tasks, take on challenges, and meet your goals.  That’s why a self-pleasure practice is so crucial: devoting time to a regular practice is a commitment to yourself.  

SPIRITUALLY, playing with your sexual energy is powerful.  Sexual energy is source energy, connected to everyone and everything in the Universe.  You’ll discover that your self-pleasure practice impacts your connection with yourself and with others, because you’re tapping directly into this powerful source energy when you play. 

Tips to Get the MOST Out of Your Self-Pleasure

Ready to get started and dive deep into your pleasure?  You can help guarantee bigger and fuller experiences when you self-pleasure if you remember a few things.

The Difference Between Release and Orgasm
Your orgasm and your release are two different functions in your body.  It might take a minute to fully grasp that, but just remember that release is your ejaculation, or fluid that comes out of your sex organs when you climax.  

But your orgasm is the sensation you feel during physical release.  And you can experience orgasm without release when you learn to work with your breath, relaxation, and exercise the pelvic muscles in your body.  

When you understand a few mechanics, your release and orgasm will separate naturally, but that’s why it’s key to GO SLOW during your self-pleasure practice.  Your practice should be at least 10 minutes long, so take your time with it! Don’t rush through the experience, because when you RELISH in your sensation, you encourage fuller and deeper pleasure.

Your Orgasm and Arousal Scale
Self pleasuring is all about engaging and exercising your sex system, not just experiencing release.  It helps to remember that you’re ALWAYS in a state of orgasm. So you’re not going to “miss out” on having an orgasm, because it lives inside your body ALL the time!  (Can you feel your orgasm right now?)

You can play with your sexual energy to experience sensation at different levels, and by staying aware of how this sensation is expressing itself, you’ll start to figure out your arousal scale.  

When you’re pleasantly aroused you’re probably only around a 3 or 4 on this scale.  When you’re at an 8 that means you’re getting pretty close to release. But figuring out where you’re at on this pleasure gauge can help you control your climax and ejaculation.  

Getting to know your body like this builds trust and CONFIDENCE, and you experience a FULLER, broader range of sensation when you’re aware of your arousal this way. 

Your relationship with the numbers on your arousal scale is unique, and the only way to figure it out is to test it out and get familiar. 

The Main Components of Practice

A self-pleasure practice exercises your sex system.  It’s just like going to the gym or getting ready for a long hike: there are tools that you need to condition your body so that you reap the benefits of this workout. 

  • Awareness:  When you become aware of sensation happening in your body, you can amplify it, morph it, and move it!  Being aware of the pleasure that you’re feeling and how you’re communicating and playing with your body during your self-pleasure practice is key.  So, learn to listen to your body, feel into your body, see the inside of your body, and be aware of how and where you want to be playing and directing your pleasure.
  • Breathing:  Your breath keeps fresh oxygen moving through your sex system, AWAKENS sensation, and activates your parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) system.  The most important thing when it comes to breath is that it literally moves sensation and allows the pleasure that you feel to expand in your body.  Without a deep and steady breath, you can easily turn your sensation OFF. So during your self-pleasure practice, you want to practice breathing INTO your pleasure to keep you turned on 😉
  • Relaxation:  During your practice, make sure the muscles in your body know how to slip in and out of relaxation easily.  Where blood goes sensation follows, and where tension lives in your body blood cannot go.    So, if you don’t know how to intentionally physically relax during sex or your sensual practice, you’ll never ever get to a point of being able to play with pleasure and experience FULL BODY ORGASM.  And just as when you stop breathing, if you’re constantly tense pleasure will feel like it’s slipping away. So Learn to relax your genitals, your core, your butt (which is part of your core), your belly, chest, throat and face … even learn to feel the sensation of relaxation behind your eyes and between your ears.  Make relaxation something you constantly check in with during your practice.
  • Sound:  There is a throat and genital connection that’s super powerful and it has to do with vibration.  The vibration of sound stimulates the throat canal in the upper part of the body, and sexual pleasure stimulates the vaginal and anal canals in the lower body.  Both vibrations that stimulate different areas of your body. Think of these two areas prongs on a tuning fork. So when both sides are active and vibrating the tuning fork (your body) vibrates with more intensity.  Both areas also have an effect on one another, even if the other isn’t vibrating. Also, higher pitched sounds can heighten pleasure, and lower pitches can help you control pleasure. Experiment with SOUND!
  • Movement:  Pleasure loves to move.  So you should move when you want to play with the sensation of pleasure during sex and self-pleasure practice.  Movements don’t have to be huge and crazy, they can be as small as contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor (<< that is one of the most powerful and potent sexual movements).  You can also move your hips in circles, thrust with your pelvis or feel your body moving with a rhythm.
  • Light:   Pleasure is light because your orgasm is a vibration that has a component of light.  So, visually seeing your orgasm inside of your body as a kind of light is just one more powerful way to amplify and play with pleasure.   Playing with light is an ancient practice that is so powerful that it can literally take your sexual experience to a completely new level of existence!

Set and Setting (NO PORN)
Playing with sexual energy is fun.  But just like experimenting with psychedelics, you want to make sure that your mindset and environment support and ENHANCE your self-pleasure … not hinder it.  (Everyone remembers a bad trip.)

So remember when you’re self-pleasuring that porn REALLY fucks with things.  Watching porn and experiencing arousal (while being physically disconnected from the action on-screen) disconnects you from your body, your reality and creates a dissociative experience.  The whole point of self-pleasure is to exercise your sex system and CONNECT MORE DEEPLY and authentically with yourself and your arousal.  Porn distracts you from having an authentic experience with pleasure, and with yourself. 

Toys and Props

Using toys like wands, eggs, or butt plugs can add a FUN new dynamic to your self-pleasure experience.  

You can also use vibrators if you’re self-pleasuring for fun, but remember that your orgasm already vibrates inside of you.  Your orgasm is more subtle, however, so the vibration in a toy cancels out your orgasm’s vibration. So during your self-pleasure practice, GIVE YOUR ORGASM A CHANCE and put the Hitachi away! 

We also HIGHLY recommend using a mirror during your practice.  Looking at your pussy or penis while you play is an incredibly powerful way of connecting with yourself — it’s a form of self-love when you admire your genitals.

How to Touch Yourself When You Self-Pleasure

Where there’s blood, there’s sensation.  And where there’s sensation, there’s sexual ENERGY.  REMEMBER that when you play with sensation in your sex system, you’re working with powerful creative energy.  When you focus on moving this energy in your body, you build more self-awareness and confidence in your pleasure experience.  

But don’t just focus on your genitals.  You want to move blood from your heart to your genitals, and using self-massage can encourage this movement.  Self-massage is highly effective: gently rubbing the muscles in your thighs, pelvis, and glutes helps enhance relaxation and touch delivers fresh, oxygenated blood to your sex system. 

To AMP UP arousal even more in your self-pleasure session, focus on the upper left-hand corner of the clitoris or the head of your penis.  These specific regions of your genitals contain the HIGHEST amount of nerve endings that go the deepest into your body, so stroking this area will deliver LOTS of deep sensation.  You don’t need to overfocus on the upper-left hand corner but try experimenting with intentionally incorporating that area more into your self-pleasure experience.

The Magic of Your Self Pleasure Practice

Sexual energy is powerful, not just because it’s a creative force, but also because it’s MAGICAL.  In fact, witches and other spiritual practitioners around the world use their orgasm to manifest abundance, success, love, and power in their lives. 

So the next time you sit down to masturbate, remember how powerful a tool your self-pleasure is.  Are YOU getting the most out of your pleasure experience? 

If you’re looking for a great way to start your self-pleasure practice, download the SPX Full Body Orgasm Guide!  It’s full of tips, instructions, even audio recordings to help you get the most out of your orgasm. 


Self love

Self pleasure

Sensual Practice

Sexual Healing

Sexual Wellness