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sex.index / Taboo



Taboo exploration is an amazing instrument to bring into your self-pleasure practice or intimate sexual relationship.  From golden showers to threesomes to anal sex to Tantric sex, whatever taboo you’re curious about is a fun and sexy gift just waiting to be opened!  

Taboo creates opportunities in your life because, by its very essence, it challenges old constructs and breaks down any limiting ideas that you had about the way you give, receive and create pleasure.  

Taboo helps you realize NEW and updated psycho-sexual constructs that serve your sexuality far better than the old ones.  Taboo also respects that age-old adage: change is constant.  Because who you are sexually now will not be exactly who you are tomorrow.  So, challenging your sexual ideas, habits, and boundaries on a regular basis is a sexy and healthy practice.

Taboo creates a place for you to feel SAFE about your sexuality and confident in your ability to explore your sexual desires.  

In order to traverse a taboo, you have to first trust yourself and your partner deeply … at least enough to feel comfortable peeling back the layers of the onion that represent your personal sexual constructs.

And so taboo exploration is POWERFUL because you’re able to free yourself from the old constraints that you’ve layered around your sexuality; like old and stale layers of an onion that peel away to reveal the meaty, juicy, plump and delicious center.

The Superpower of Taboo

You probably know about taboos like tantra, golden showers, anal play, and shibari (Japanese rope bondage) because they’ve been a part of human sexuality for centuries.  Taboo experiences like these are gently woven throughout our history and depicted in the ancient art of the world’s oldest cultures. 

The superancients were a lot less judgy about taboo than we are today.  Because back then, we had much less cultural-sexual collective shame to navigate.

Today, shame prevents most people from experiencing FULL PLEASURE POTENTIAL in a healthy way.  And shame can cause a lot of damage to your desire to sexually engage, telling you that your particular interest is wrong or bad (in public opinion).  

If sexual shame is an issue for you, the sexual construct you’re living in cannot sustain or support its own energy, so it needs to try and get it from its external environment (mostly, the people that you are sexually involved with).  This creates a sexually needy personality. Definitely NOT sexy.

On a physical note, shame makes your body literally contract and hold itself back from the experience of pleasure.  It literally refuses to let you access pure pleasure. 

And, what would the experience of pure pleasure feel like?

TOTAL FREEDOM.

And when you decide it’s time to explore your sexuality through taboo, you’ll almost immediately recognize that this shame that’s been holding you back from pleasure and freedom is actually something that was taught to you.  A perception, judgment, and idea (in the form of shame) that was literally handed to you from someone else.  

And in a more practical sense, the shame that you might experience when a “dirty” thought comes into your head is actually just a trained bodily response.  And you have ALL THE POWER and the ability to rewire this response when you explore taboo.

By its nature, taboo exploration is a very physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually stimulating experience.

When you play with the boundaries of taboo you realize that shame is not something you have to absorb or take with you on your sexual journey.  It’s an energy that you can change and even totally leave behind.  And so taboo exploration becomes a tool that you can use to navigate and expand this newfound sexual freedom.

So the superpower of taboo is TOTAL FREEDOM as it releases you from sexual shame that never really belonged to you in the first place.  

And when you’re freed up from these outdated, unhealthy, judgemental limitations that have been mistakenly placed on your personal experience of pleasure … you discover that your sexual universe gets A WHOLE LOT BIGGER. 

The Science Behind Your Taboo

Fear and shame wreak havoc on your body in many dangerous ways.  But when it comes to sex, being in a fearful or shameful mindset is a real BUMMER.  

Fear prevents you from relaxing and slowing down so that you can experience pleasure fully.  

Shame tells you that your sensations of arousal and pleasure are wrong or weird and you don’t deserve to feel good.  And during sex, that dangerous combination of fear and shame creates a mindset that damages the healthy connections that you should be able to have with your body and your pleasure experiences.  

In your nervous system, this process destroys and augments your neuronal synapse connections that exist to move energy and information from one part of your body to another. 

But when you learn to trust yourself and your own experiences and challenge your old assumptions by exploring taboo, you trigger some important neurochemicals that can help heal the damage created by sexual fear and shame.  

When you explore ANYTHING new, you’re activating your dopamine pleasure-reward system.  Because novelty triggers a dopamine rush (desire): this fresh and fun NEW THING becomes a big reward.  So discovering new sensations and sexy experiences through taboo is fueled partly by dopamine, and the motivation to discover and expand your sensual world MORE. 

But because these new experiences can feel a little scary, it’s important to explore taboo safely and without pressure.  Pleasure and orgasm need a safe and calm environment to play around and expand in. Taboo creates the boundaries that you play in, and pleasure (in the form of stimulation and orgasm) fill the space those boundaries create.

Being aware of and able to control your sex muscles while you’re exploring anything sensually new activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which tells your body it’s okay to rest and relax.  Control over these muscles (particularly when it comes to being able to forcefully relax them) communicates that you’re in a safe space to explore. 

If you’re going to explore something like golden showers or rope bondage, it helps to initiate play by taking time to RELAX and breathe first, so that you prime your sex system.  

When you take the time to relax with a warm bath, a shower, or a gentle massage before you begin taboo exploration you’ll find it’s easier to connect to the sensation of pleasure.  And throughout the process, pleasure is your guide.

FAQs

How the hell do I talk to my partner about my taboo?

Taboo is an AWESOME tool to create more intimacy in your relationship. When you open up about what you’re interested in (and fantasize about), you establish deeper trust between you and your partner and an expansive perspective that feeds the fire of sexual attraction.  Start small! Talk about fantasies you’ve had or ways that you’ve explored a taboo through your own self-pleasure.  

Don’t talk … list it out!  

  1. Each person makes a list of everything you can think of that you want to explore.  
  2. Swap lists with your partner.  
  3. Now, each person writes down YES, MAYBE, or NO next to each item on the list they received.  Then share the results with your partner.  
  4. Now, after a little discussion (using your amazing imagination!) circle the top 10 items that you would both enjoy exploring.  Then, circle the top 3 out of those ten. Finally, circle the one that you will begin with.  

Voilà … you just become a way more sexy couple! 

How do I actually play with taboo?

You want to first make sure you understand what, why, where, who, when.  

What do you want to play with?  What subjects would you like to explore?   Make a list (practice listed above).  

Why do you want to explore these ideas?  How would exploring them help you to develop a new and updated psycho-sexual construct that would be more beneficial for your life?  

Where do you want to play?  What playthings, accouterments, and supplies will you need to sustain a fun and safe adventure in that space. 

Who do you imagine you want to play with?  You might want to play with someone you know well, or you might want to explore playing with a professional.  

And finally, when do you want this to take place?  Once you figure out the details, set a date for it and don’t deviate 😉

We also wrote an awesome article on Tantra, BDSM, and Taboo Exploration, here

Is my taboo safe? 

The great thing about taboo is that you can pretty easily swap out one fun, new activity for another.  It’s also a good idea to start with something simple and safe. If you want to have more anal sex, for instance, start by using a butt plug in your own self-pleasure practice.  If you want to have a threesome, but you’re married and sexually active already, incorporate some role-playing into your sex life (instead of finding a stranger at a bar).  

Should I go to a professional or do this on my own?

Both are great options.  If you have a partner at home that you want to explore with, and who wants to explore with you, use taboo to deepen the intimacy and expand the sexual energy between you.  But if you don’t have a partner at home, there are plenty of safe and fun ways to explore taboo.  

You can find a BDSM professional.  And if you go the “pro” route, make sure you do plenty of research so you understand who that professional is.  I recommend speaking by phone and asking respectful and discreet questions. More importantly, open up to your potential professional and be honest with them about what you want to explore.  

You can also head to a workshop that’s locally hosted (usually there are plenty of these little workshops to choose from in urban areas).