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The Incredible Art of the Blowjob

There are many ways to please your lover, but for anyone with a penis, nothing comes close to the pleasure of receiving an awesome blowjob

But if you’re the person GIVING head, you might not enjoy it the same way your partner does.  And that’s because some of you might think of a blowjob as WORK. 

Unless your partner is paying you, a blowjob shouldn’t feel like YOUR job, babe.  And I’m here to tell you that giving head can actually be a pleasurable, empowering, and super HOT experience, even (especially!) when you’re the one going down on your partner.

The Problem(s) With Blowjobs

One of the biggest complaints that I hear about giving a blowjob is just how uncomfortable it can be.  Have you ever struggled with one of the following during your blowjob delivery?

  • My gag reflex makes it impossible!  This is one of the most common issues that can pop up, especially if your partner has a bigger penis or you have a smaller mouth.
  • I can’t breathe.  If you’re congested at all or just can’t comfortably breathe through your nose, then you’re probably NOT enjoying yourself while your mouth is full. 
  • I feel a lot of pressure and stress when I’m sucking cock.  If you’re forcing yourself to go through with a blowjob or your partner makes you feel responsible for their climax, this can create a lot of tension. 
  • My jaw (or neck, or body) hurts! 

NONE of those situations are fun!  If you can’t breathe or need to pause during a blowjob, then you have all the permission you need RIGHT NOW to take a break the next time you’re going down on your partner … because the secret to enjoying your next blowjob (instead of dreading it or just pushing through) is to RELAX, and to be comfortable in your body.

NOTE: if giving blowjobs is a sexual block for you or feels taboo in any way, you might need to work on healing from this sexual anxiety first, before you’re with a partner.  Forcing yourself to push through a blowjob can result in more shame or sexual trauma. 

How to Stop Worrying and Start Loving Blowjobs

Relaxation is going to help ease any tension around the experience so that you’re able to focus on the sensations that YOU’RE feeling while you suck your partner’s cock.  That’s right—YOUR sensation. Being relaxed and in touch with your sensation is going to make the experience far more enjoyable for you … so enjoyable, that you might even find you LOVE giving blowjobs.

There’s a lot of pressure that people tend to put on themselves when giving a partner oral pleasure— either because of media or porn or culture.  A LOT of that pressure stems from the thought that the ONLY part of the blowjob that matters is the climax (and your partner’s pleasure). 

So the FIRST STEP that anyone and everyone who reads this article needs to take is to STOP.  FOCUSING. ON. THE. CLIMAX!  

Instead of making ejaculation your end goal, make PLEASURE the focus of your blowjob.  A blowjob should be an experience, not just a task to check off at the end of your sex date.  

Treat your blowjob like a form of exploration or creativity.  Every penis is a new landscape to discover, so make your own personal mission to learn about it.  

How does your partner’s cock react to long licks up the shaft?  How sensitive is the tip of your partner’s penis: do they enjoy the feel of your tongue on the tip, or when it strokes the roof of your mouth?  Have you tried testicle stimulation with your partner, or sucking your partner’s scrotum lightly?

A lot of cocks enjoy similar methods of being sucked, kissed, and stroked, so you might also research and read about playing with them.  Layla Martin asked three gay men about their opinion on what makes a good blowjob, if you’re looking for somewhere to start! (And yes, an SPX blowjob tutorial is part of an upcoming course that we’ll be offering, so stay tuned!)

But also note that your pleasure takes priority when you’re giving a blowjob.  It’s almost like the age-old adage of putting your mask on first when a plane is losing altitude and oxygen.  Well when giving a blowjob, put your pleasure first.  And can you really connect to pleasure if your body is in a contorted position or you can’t breathe?  NO!  

And YES, everyone involved in a blowjob really can have a great time.  But it takes a little practice. 

Tips for Enjoying the Next Blowjob You Give

When you take time to communicate and plan for PLEASURE (not just climax), the next time you give a blowjob, you’ll be able to guarantee a better experience for everyone all around.  Promise. 

Remember, it all starts with relaxation and your own body comfort.  While spontaneous blowjobs in the parking lot can be super fun, learning to get completely comfortable during a blowjob is going to help your experience more.  

Focus on relaxing your jaw and mouth, so that you’re able to open your mouth wide enough to accept a cock.  When you relax your mouth, you also practice opening your throat a bit more, and an open throat is one key to an incredible blowjob experience (on both ends).

PRO TIP: You can totally practice relaxing your jaw and mouth by using something significantly larger than the penis you eventually want to suck.  Back in the day, we used Coke cans to practice. But a large cucumber, zucchini, or literally anything round and wider than your partner’s cock will do the trick.  Because, if you can comfortably have something bigger than your partner in your mouth, the next time you’re with your partner it will feel a lot easier. This helps significantly relax and stretch your jaw muscles.  Those are the tricky muscles that like to do a lot of clenching throughout the day. But if you learn to relax them, it will help you with the longevity of your blowjob. 

BREATHING is also going to help improve your blowjob experience.  This allows for deeper relaxation, so even if you need to blow your nose or use a neti pot, make sure you take care of your mucus situation before you go down.  And always breathe from your belly for your own pleasure and relaxation.

Feeling grounded, comfortable, and relaxed during your blowjob is going to enhance your own experience because you’ll be able to stay more aware of your pleasure in a relaxed state.  

You want to feel what’s going on in your body, especially your mouth and throat.  Because paying attention to sensation — how your partner’s cock feels on your tongue, what sensations you experience when their cock gets hard — is going to make the experience even more exciting. 

The point is to EXPLORE: stay curious about the cock in your mouth!  Use your tongue and lips the same way you might use your hands, and really feel everything there is to feel about your partner’s cock.  

And you can help guarantee that both you and your partner will enjoy the experience even more, by employing the following tools/tricks: 

Bring the penis to YOU: One of my favorite position is to have my partner sit on the edge of a massage table while I’m on my hands and knees.  This brings the penis directly to my mouth. But whatever position you’re in, make sure you bring the penis to you … not the other way around.  Don’t contort your body in uncomfy positions for the sake of giving pleasure. That just won’t feel good and will defeat the entire purpose of the experience, at large.

I also love giving head in a bath.  The water is buoyant, and so the body and penis can float and relax directly into my mouth 😉

Enhance the visual experience: Set up a mirror so that your partner can actually WATCH you going down on them and giving them pleasure.  For a lot of men and people with penises, seeing their cock getting some love is a HUGE turn-on (guys like to see themselves).

Take a party break:  Pause to check in on yourself while you’re giving head, catch your breath, and ask your partner how they’re doing.  Remember, take time so that you have fun! There’s NO need to rush through a blowjob. And there’s absolutely no need to rush to the end of your playtime with ejaculation.  Remember that ejaculation is NOT THE GOAL when it comes to an awesome blowjob.

Get yourself off while you’re going down:  Stimulating yourself while you give a blowjob is a fun way to ignite even MORE sexual energy during the experience.  In stimulating yourself, you’re training yourself to enjoy the blowjob experience way more. And your brain will associate your arousal and pleasure with pleasing your partner and the blowjob.  Everyone wins!  

Tantric Sex Tip for People With Pussies: There’s a point at the top back of the throat that connects directly with your cervix (the most sensitive and pleasurable place in a woman’s body).  When the tip of your partner’s cock hits the back of your throat, it literally triggers this sensitive spot deep down inside of your body! Stimulating this area can enhance arousal and deepen the intimate connection (the sexual energy) you already have with your partner.  In other words, blowjobs can be a highly intimate and spiritually sexy act between partners. 

To enhance the back of the throat and cervix connection even more, consider inserting a dildo that touches that part of your body internally while you’re giving head.

Keep communication open:  Talking about the experience (before and after) will help to establish boundaries and expectations about the blowjob you’re giving.  Make sure that your partner KNOWS that you are doing this because you enjoy it.  That means that the pleasure is on your terms, and not only about them.

Most importantly, remember to SAVOR that cock at hand, and make the most out of sucking it.  Giving a blowjob is one of my favorite things to do with a partner, but it might take you a little time to develop a taste for it.  That’s totally fine. Try a little at a time. And with practice, I promise that good things (and your partner) are sure to come! 😉

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Blowjobs

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