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Tantra + BDSM + Taboo Exploration

“I urge you all today, especially today during these times of chaos and war, to love yourself without reservations and to love each other without restraint. Unless you’re into leather.” 

― Margaret Cho

How are you judging your experience of sex and sensation? 

When you consider the kind of sex that you’re having, and the kind of sex that you WANT to have, how often do you say yes to the idea of something new?  In your last sexual experience, did you say no to something before you had a chance to think about whether or not “YES” might feel amazing?

So you see, setting limitations around your sensation this way is like a death knell for your sex life.  Because all sensation has value!  Whether it’s a flutter in your stomach, feeling wobbly in your knees, or the hot sting of a paddle, ALL sensations will help you explore your body’s potential.  And, THE MORE THE BETTER!

So, you have to start by FEELING sensation, instead of judging it first.  

If you find that you’re judging all sensation, without giving anything new a chance to be explored, you are shrinking your experience.  Whether it’s your need to always have sex in the dark, the obsession with seeing your partner cum every time you have sex, or not liking it when anyone goes down on you, setting limitations like these can lead to sex-life ruin.  

But there’s a way to stop discriminating against new sensations and experiences so that you can start to EXPAND those experiences … and your pleasure.  

Actually, there are THREE WAYS …

Tantra + BDSM + Taboo 

Tantra, BDSM, and taboo exploration share a common thread, where ALL sensation is welcome, and the only measure of your experience is how much sensation you can imagine to play with.  There are limits you set when you play with these modalities, but there’s absolutely NO judgment. 

Tantra is a set of ancient teachings based in Hindu and Buddhist spiritual traditions that have been passed down over the centuries.  Tantra explores the divine nature of your sexuality and celebrates sensation in all of its forms. Many exercises for your sex system originated from Tantrik teaching, and help to strengthen and condition your sexual energy. 

BDSM was first coined in the early 1990s, when the internet was still new and people wanted an abbreviation for their kinks.  While fetishes like sadism and bondage have been around for hundreds to thousands of years, the BDSM community has grown more recently because it’s so inclusive, welcoming just about any kink or naughty fetish people can think of (golden showers, latex fetishes, age play, etc.).

Taboo is an act that’s considered shameful or wrong, but exploring taboo is actually a POWERFUL tool for opening you up to more sensation and pleasure in your life.  Taboo exploration can be used to help you work through and HEAL sexual shame around old misconceptions about your sexuality. 

Integrating each of these into your sexploration is one of the best practices to STOP the voice of judgment from being the loudest. This is especially important because your orgasm wants to be even LOUDER (and that’s way more fun). 

And approaching sex using these three modalities will help you overcome that roadblock of shame or guilt that’s kept you from exploring before.

Tips for Your Sacred and Kinky Sex Practice

When BDSM, Tantra, and taboo work together, it’s a magical recipe for a super-deep and more expansive sensual experience. 

Tantra sets a sacred tone for your practice, by honoring your body, conditioning your sex system, and expanding your sensation.  Tantra also provides the focus and awareness that allow your experience to expand into something meaningful, deep, and potentially life-altering.

BDSM is the technique behind this practice, it’s like a map for your new experience and HOW you’re shaping it.  And just like getting from one fascinating point to another on a trip––will you walk, fly, drive, or take the train?  BDSM asks the same––will you whip, restrain, wet, paddle, or talk your way through your experience?

Taboo sets the scene of the experience.  Taboos usually feel uncomfortable at first.  But feeling a little discomfort is EXACTLY why you should play with taboo.  

Taboo exploration builds flexibility and pushes the boundaries of what’s possible for you.  It doesn’t just challenge your sexual experience, taboo exploration challenges the limitations you set in everyday life, too.

Make YES A Practice

When it comes to YOUR PLEASURE, say YES internally to yourself as much as you possibly can.  The internal YES is SUPER POWERFUL.   

So, exactly what are you saying YES to?  Sensation.  You’re saying yes to more and more … and more sensation.  

Your internal YES is like an invitation to sensation.  

When you feel a sensation you like inside your body, close your eyes, see the sensation, and imagine that you greet it with YES.  Yes, opens your body to feel it deeper.  Saying yes to pleasure is also saying yes to your divine essence, and your divine right to experience your body the way that you choose to feel it.  It’s simple, but powerful.

But, a YES practice means you’re open to all sensation (pleasure, pain, bliss, fullness, giddiness, shame, numbness, and euphoria).  

And why would you make yourself available to ALL SENSATION?  Because YOU KNOW THE TRUTH: Sensation is always in transition.  

What starts out as pleasure can turn to pain.  What starts out as boring can turn curious and interesting.  What begins as discomfort can open up into something very real and deep.  

Sensation is always evolving.  

When you say YES to these new and evolving sensations, feelings that you might’ve been afraid of before, you start to build the foundation for real transformation in your life.  Because by making EVERYTHING a possibility in playtime, you’ll start seeing new ways to create and expand your experiences outside of sex, too.  

More to Explore

If you’re looking for ways to get started, there are often workshops or casual “munches” where you can meet other taboo explorers and potential partners in a safe and respectful atmosphere.  The topic of consent is already woven into these conversations in many ways, since some taboos are more provocative (or illegal) than others.  

But BDSM communities and kink forums have brought the concept of informed consent into the forefront, with the goal of encouraging authentic partnership, where everyone has a pleasurable and judgment-free experience. 

PRO TIP:  Keep an open heart when you play with any taboo.  Remember that exploring sexual taboos can trigger sexual shame, because they’re connected with any limiting beliefs and judgments that you might have held onto over the years.  Exploring a taboo can reveal AMAZING possibilities, but challenges the long-held assumptions that you’ve had about your sexuality. Yes, this kind of sexual discovery is POWERFUL!

Here are a few of the most common taboos that people play with:

Golden Showers: Also known as watersports or urolagnia, the act of urinating on someone can be a SUPER fulfilling experience, and it’s been a practice for centuries! 

More Than Two: Having more than one person to play with* opens the door for more energy to be shared, and doesn’t have to include penetrative sex for it to be fun.  One of the main benefits behind a threesome (or moresome) is the deeper capacity for intimacy that you’ll find when you make space for more people.  

*When you’re playing in your three-or-moresome establish rules of engagement FIRST.  Establish rules of engagement with your primary partner first, then together you develop a set of rules with the Unicorn or other partners.  Or, if YOU are the Unicorn, create a list of boundaries and expectations for yourself, then share that list with the primary partners together.

Anal Play: Anal play is becoming less taboo, but it might still be a subject that you’ve been ashamed of bringing up in your own relationship.  But there are a TON of ways to explore your anus, from plugs to fingers or tongues. Know that when you explore anal stimulation, you’re in for more dynamic and FULL sensation, and men will especially benefit from exploring this kind of pleasure because anal play stimulates the entire male sex system. 

Exhibitionsim: There are a few ways that you can play around with sex in public that won’t get you arrested, but can still be exciting.  You can find a bathroom or dressing room, or might try finding local kinkster organizations that have parties and events where you’ll have an audience.  Or, you can attend an event like Burningman that celebrates exibitionism (sexually, artistically, and otherwise).

Period Sex: Sex while you’re bleeding has a TON of benefits.  It can help with cramps, headaches, and dispels the myth that menstruation is dirty or awful.  Your sex system is shedding layers of tissue during your period. So when you have sex the nerve endings are more exposed and more sensitive.  If you’re a woman who suffers from pelvic armoring, period sex can be healing.

Cousin-Fucking: Game of Thrones brought the taboo of incest into the spotlight, and in the last several years, incest porn has become one of the most popular genres out there.  Unlike the Lannisters or mainstream porn, however, consensual inter-familial relationships do exist. Cousins are known to sexually explore with one another in younger ages, and sometimes that can lead to more intricate sexual relationships.

If any of these taboos made you STOP and think “That’s wrong!” that’s actually awesome because it’s an opportunity for you to consider where that judgment is coming from.  

Being avoidant to new and different experiences and ideas—like trying a new food or exploring a new kink—kills creative sparks you might otherwise have had.  And your ability to create will start to shrink if you’re not regularly playing with it.

Many traditions and behaviors are considered taboo in our Western culture, but when you look back a few generations, you’ll probably find similar taboos in your own family history.  It’s only because of shame and fear that those “wrong” feelings come up.  

But that’s why this kind of exploration is so POWERFUL.  When you work with Tantra, BDSM, and taboo exploration in tandem, you’ll start to shift your sex perspective.  You’ll rewire that judging part of your brain, the one that tells you something is gross or weird, so that you can instead be curious and excited about new experiences.  

And when you stay curious with your sensation instead of stifling it, you give it space to grow and find abundance.  
So now … how will YOU play?

TAGS

BDSM

Sexual Energy

Sexual Healing

Taboo

Tantra