Ever notice how easy it is to fall into the routine of fucking, then just rolling over and going to sleep?

You fall into this trap of boring sex because of your sexual habits: where you have sex, how you have it, when you have it.  These sex habits can be healthy or destructive, but your brain likes habits. Doing the same activity over and over again is comfortable, so your brain tells your body to come along for the ride, and your body gets used to these sex habits.

But you know sex is important: you understand that’s it’s a healthy and HUGE part of a successful relationship and happy life.  And going on auto-pilot during sex really sucks, so what you experience is an overarching feeling of anxiety, dysfunction, and disconnection.  

But when you inject a bit of AWARENESS into your sex habits and replace them with healthier habits, you’ll notice things begin to shift.  Your once-labeled “boring sex life” transforms, blossoms and feels vibrant and sexy again.

Creating Habits for Your Sexual Healing

Here are a few super actionable habits that will help to enhance your sexual experience and start the process of healing. You can put ALL of these into practice as you like, but start with one and see what happens! 🙂

• Make a Habit of Breathing Deeper & More Intentionally: If you take extra time each day to stop and feel your breath moving inside of you, it will be so much easier to connect to your breath during sex, too.  And deeper breathing during sex means more quality sexual experiences and BIGGER ORGASMS!

• Make a Habit of Relaxation: Besides taking time to breathe, setting time aside each day to relax will help you establish deeper connection to your body.  Relaxation during sex opens your body up to multidimensional sensation. The more you relax, the more fully your orgasm will expand to different areas in your body.  There are LOTS of relaxation techniques out there, from yoga sequences to energy clearing. (You can also follow along with the techniques and tools in the SPX Full Body Orgasm Guide for a few ideas.)

• Make a Habit of Connecting to YOU: The next time you have sex, start to focus on YOUR orgasm and pleasure. Don’t focus on  what your partner is feeling: draw your attention inward so that you FULLY OWN your sensation and enjoy the experience.

• Make a Habit of Creating Sensual Space: Create a designated sex room in your home.  Being able to just walk through the door will help you enter into a sensually-focused state.  Staying organized helps you to STOP OVERTHINKING, so your sex room should also include storage for any supplies you need on hand.

• Make a Habit of Honesty: Be honest about your experience and about how important regular, happy sex is in your life.  Don’t dismiss its importance—regular sex empowers every aspect of your life! It’s the fuel that runs your engines of creativity, enthusiasm and will power.  

• Make a Habit of Being Sensually Authentic: Don’t just rely on your partner for a great sexual experience (that’s too much pressure!). Understanding your needs and desires (a.k.a. sexual self-sufficiency) is SUPER HOT, so learn to harness and play with your pleasure.  Build your own sexual energy, so that you have something to share when it comes to connecting with your partner.

• Make a Habit of Intimacy:  Instead of jumping out of bed in the morning after your alarm sounds, take a little longer to cuddle with your partner.  Practice different ways of being intimate that aren’t penetrative sex. (There are lots of little ways to establish this kind of connection … and here are 69 of them, in case you run out of ideas).

• Make a Habit of Sexercise: Exercise your sex system! Just like you go to the gym and build your biceps, your sex muscles need to be worked out, too! Make a habit of stretching your penis, working your vaginal canal muscles, and working your pelvic floor and other sex muscles.

Tools For Making Healthier Sex a Habit

Building better sex habits gives you more opportunities to build your sexual energy, but doing this kind of work requires the right tools.

They might seem small, but the effects of the following tools are cumulative.  They’ll help you work through any of your sexual imbalances or boring sex habits so that you form NEW habits that are healing.  Because even just connecting with yourself or your partner a little bit more can enhance the healing sexual energy in your life.

Schedule Your Sex: Sure, any boundaries or structure around sex might not sound super HOT, but setting a time specifically for sex tells your brain that you have a planned, designated time for EXPLORING.  Planning is a POWERFUL tool for habit-forming, according to psychology: your brain enjoys the cognitive benefits of committing to a schedule, because it frees up your brain for other pursuits.

Try Tapping Techniques: Based on tools like acupuncture and acupressure, tapping is a set of techniques which work with the body’s nervous system, by tapping on energy meridian points on your body with your fingertips.

Starting Rituals: Ritual is super-effective for changing habits, because they redirect your brain from its cycle of thinking. And a starting ritual around your sensual practice is going to bring serious healing and pleasure into your life.

Open Communication Exercises: The Imago Dialogue tools and exercises are specifically for couples who want to learn how to express their long-held desires and needs.  Establishing these good communication habits restructures the way you talk to your partner, so that what you say to each other is validated and empathized with.  

Finding Sexual Freedom Through Better Sex Habits

Getting stuck in a sexual rut is common.  Desire discrepancy is still the most common sexual imbalance in relationships today.

It’s easy to get trapped in a boring sex experience that’s repeated over and over.  But when you learn to develop better sex habits, though, you can break out of this cycle.  You don’t have to live with the limitations of your old sex routine, experiencing the same boring sex over and over.

Just experimenting with NEW habits can help you to change the shape of your experience.  You can make your sex experience look entirely different by replacing your old sex habits with new, healthy, EXCITING habits.

All it takes is the right tools and a little courage to EXPLORE MORE!

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