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Sex Rooms Are For Fucking

THE SEX ROOM.  It’s a radical idea, we know.  It’s powerful because it does something interesting with your relationship to sex … it takes it out of your bedroom.

Why is taking SEX out of the bedroom so important?  Because bedrooms are actually for sleeping. Resting.

You see, your brain is really good at doing the same thing over and over.  The more it loops around through the same cycle the more efficient it becomes.  And this is exactly what brains do: they focus on efficiency through repetition.

So consider why you purchased your mattress and bed?  Was your number one thought about that purchase: This mattress will make a great sex mattress!  Or was it more like the rest of us:  This mattress feels like it will give me a good night’s sleep?

So beds are purchased for sleeping, first and foremost.  Then, like pretty much everyone, you’ll probably end up having sex in it at one point or another.  But we suggest that you DON’T make a habit of that.

Because what happens when you put sex and sleep together?  We’re sleeping.  No, fucking.  No, resting.  No, excited … You get confusion.  

Your brain that strives to do the same thing over and over with more and more efficiency gets its wires crossed.  And not only is it confusing for your head, it’s also really confusing for your body. As your body sees the bed your brain begins to release hormones and neurotransmitters to get your body ready to rest and shut down.  But sex requires a different set of chemicals for a different set of circumstances.

So in order to make sleeping more comfortable for your body and your brain, and make fucking and sex more exciting, you need to separate them out physically, too.

A Sex Room Takes The Edge Off Going To Bed

Have you ever had that uncomfortable moment before you go to sleep with your partner where you’re lying there awake, and you know they are lying there awake … and maybe you might have sex but you’re not sure if they want to … and they don’t seem to be very talkative.  Maybe they’re tired? Hmmmm …?  So many different possibilities. It’s confusing.  Why? Because bedrooms are for sleeping.

But imagine if you are lying there and your sex room is down the hall.  You know (but more importantly your BRAIN knows) that your sex room is specifically about sex.  Your body knows that when you enter your sex room, it should begin the process of getting ready to have sex––getting your juices flowing, and triggering positive, active neurochemicals and hormones to help create that awesome sensual experience.  Because sex rooms are for fucking.  

Now, as you lie there in bed with your sex room down the hall, you comfortably touch your partner, but they know it’s not a sex request.  It’s a love, comfort and relaxation thing.  So your brain is soothed by being in only one loop at a time.  Your body is able to settle down and into bed. And you will get more efficient and solid rest.

Are you beginning to see the power of the SEX ROOM!?!

Your sex room is like a shrine to your sensuality.  In a sex room, you devote time to building sexual energy and exploring … SEX.  

And the benefits go beyond better sex.

Connecting with yourself:  Your sex room is a place where your sexual energy gets to play!  And while it’s playing, your energy needs room to expand!  Maybe you have a sensual practice (or used the Superpower Sex Full Body Orgasm Guide), but creating a sex room takes your sensual practice to the next level.  If you’re an artist, you need space to create—the same goes for your sexual-creative energy. Your sex room is the place where your sexual creative energy gets to play!

Committed time with partners:  “In a good relationship, sex is about 25% of the substance, in a bad relationship, it’s 90%.” (Psychologist Joseph Burgo to Business Insider).  This means the less sex you have the more crucial it becomes.

Designing your sex room is an act of intimacy.  Just in thinking about creating a dedicated room for sex you are actively engaging IN sex.  Think about that.  Your sex room stands for the 90% of your relationship that needs that intimate, sensual and playful connection to your shared sexuality in order to thrive.

Give children in the household a positive example of sexuality: Many children are being raised in households where they see no positive sexual examples because couples who parent have lost their own connection to sex and sensuality.  They forget that their children will one day grow up to be adults having sex! And the examples that children see day-to-day in their household sets them up for either a fulfilling adult sex life or a desolate one.

Couples that choose to “stay together for the kids” even though they’re no longer interested in staying together for intimate reasons are communicating that sex is unimportant and meaningless.  But we know that when it comes to a happy marriage, sex is as essential as oxygen.  

A happy life and household should include friendship, love, sex, and intimacy.  And families can honor those values with a private sensual respected adult space for adult intimacy (i.e. a sex room).

Space for healing and healthy sexual expression: You can work through anxiety and shame in your life using your sensual practice.  Making room in your life (and home) for a sensual space EMPOWERS your sensual practice and healing work so you can go deeper, faster, and heal way more efficiently.

Cultivating sexual energy: Your sexual energy is a source of POWER and creativity, something that you can always access and expand.  This creative and powerful energy has the potential to spill over into every other part of your life: your career, relationships, art, and success.  

Just seeing your sensual space will inspire you to practice more often, and cultivate more and more sexual-creative power.  And when you do, your positive sexual-creative energy will be able to overflow into even MORE of your life to create more success, more vibrancy, and more fun!

Ideas for Designing Your Sex Room

Setting up a sensual space isn’t just a great way to strengthen your sex life.  Designing a sex room with all of the senses in mind is also considered an aspect of good architecture: “Comfort, pleasure and delight are not governed by visual perception alone,” writes Ulrike Passe for Iowa State University, “but by temperature, humidity, air, odors, sound and other environmental forces.”

First, Consider How You Want To Feel …

How do you want to feel when you enter your sex room?  Excited, relaxed, sensual? Whatever you decide, pair the idea of how you want to feel with the colors, fabrics, and decor you choose.

  • Color:  The color palette that you use will be the first point of contact for your senses.  Dark reds and burgundies give a sultry sexy feel. Oranges are sensual and alive. Neutral colors are soothing.  The only color that doesn’t belong in your sex room is YELLOW (the color of friendship).
  • Super plush, comfy textures will give the space a luxurious vibe.  Think plush pillows, throw blankets, and fuzzy rugs.
  • Curtains and fabrics will help soften the look, and can help provide a little acoustic insulation so that the space stays quiet.
  • DARK IS SEXY. Candlelight supplemented with floor and table lamps are best.  Avoid harsh overhead light. (Scented candles are fine, just make sure they’re not toxic or aromatically overpowering!)
  • Consider the temperature, and the temperature your partner likes best when you’re fully naked.  You might need heating elements: Space heater, massage table heating pad, heated blanket, towel heater.

Sex Room Digs

Massage table:  A massage table is so much comfier and more useful for sex and sensual practice than a bed.  There are a few Tantric sex positions that are way more comfortable to do on a massage table than on a bed.  Plus, it doesn’t have to be a regular feature in your sex room––you can fold it up and put it away.

Japanese Floor Mattress:  These simple pads are a great solution for lying down practices like Karezza (a Tantric sex practice).  They are supportive, and comfy, without being overly cushiony, so you won’t sink into the middle.  Like a massage table, a Japanese floor mattress is easy to fold up and put away.

Sex Swing/Sling:  Sex swings and slings are so much fun, and they add adventure to your sex exploits.  Some slings come with stirrups, some with extra straps. Some can be placed right over your door (and these can be put away, too), and others can be mounted on the ceiling.  

Full-Length Mirror:  A full-length mirror is (in our opinion) an essential sex-room staple.  It helps to limit other distractions by giving you something to visually hone in on. Imagine being able to see yourself while you’re having sex with your partner.  Being able to look and visually connect activates your frontal lobes and creates more and more amplified pleasure.

A Plush Rug:  Having something cozy and soft underfoot is a lovely addition to your sex room.  It will make being barefoot, naked, or barefoot and naked on your knees way comfier.

Erotic Art:  If you have the wall space, consider decorating with high-quality erotic art.  Just one beautiful and tasteful piece of erotic art can set the sensual tone for your entire room.  

Sexy Armoire:  An organized room is always more inviting.  You can help keep your sex room elegant by including a sensual armoire.  Not only are armoirs a statement piece (like art), but it will give you a little room for your supplies:  toys, props, towels, extra pillows, etc.

A Picture of YOU:  If you’re a couple designing your sex room, don’t forget to include a picture of you together.  This will help remind you why you have the room in the first place––to make your sex life more powerful … together!  

Consider contacting your local photographer for a boudoir shoot … and have them shoot on location IN YOUR SEX ROOM!

Creating More Space for Your Sexual Energy

One of the most important pieces to designing this sacred space is to make it your own.  Create ritual around the experience in your sex room so that it’s filled with your intentions.  

When we build ritual into our lives and dedicate time and space for our pleasure, we honor the POWERFUL creative energy of our sexuality.  You can amplify this energy by clearing out or smudging the space before you use it, or work with the energy of other significant tools (like crystals) to make a ritual out of your sensual experience.  

Maybe it sounds a little like worship or church, and that’s because it is.  When you understand that your sexuality is a potent and healing form of energy, you can harness and EXPAND that energy to create bigger, better things in your life.  

Wondering where to start with your sensual practice?  Check out our Full Body Orgasm Guide! You’ll get instructions, tools, and audio recordings to help you explore your sensuality (with some helpful direction).  

TAGS

Better Sex

Intimacy

Sensual Practice

Sex Advice

sex room

Sexual Healing