Think about the last time you had sex with your partner. There are probably a lot of emotions and sensations that pop up for you when you remember the experience. You might review whether you were enjoying yourself, if your partner had an orgasm, or any new positions you tried, etc.
But can you remember specifically what your breathing was like?
Here’s a bit of homework for you: the next time you have sex, or when you’re self-pleasuring, take a moment to check in on your breath. What you might find (and what a significant number of my clients find) is that you’re HOLDING your breath during sex, or that your breathing is irregular and shallow.
Well, if you’ve read ANY of the other posts on the SPX site, or downloaded the Full Body Orgasm Guide and pleasure practice, you already know how important breathing is for your sex system (and your ENTIRE sensual experience).
But often, when you’re with a partner and having sex, it can be a real challenge to focus on your breath and whether or not you’re doing it right.
But when you ARE able to harness the power of your breath, your sensual experience will feel so much more FULL and pleasurable. In fact, breathing is going to be your NUMBER ONE resource for enhancing your capacity for pleasure (and orgasm) during sex.
Whether you’re swimming, rock-climbing, or doing yoga, breath plays a role in strengthening your body. Breathing properly during exercise helps to deliver MORE oxygen to your hard-working muscles and helps you perform at your highest potential.
Breathing during sexual activity—also a form of exercise—is equally (if not MORE) important.
As much as developing strength, exercise is about delivering new, life-giving, oxygenated blood to the rest of your body. And during sexual activity, you want all of that fresh blood to get delivered to the right places: your entire sex system and especially the erectile tissue in your sex system.
In addition to the penis and clitoris, you’ll find erectile tissue throughout other parts of your sex system: in your vaginal canal, your urethral sponge, and prostate sponge areas.
So when it comes to your sexual strength and overall sex experience, you want your erectile tissue to soak up all of that fresh blood. And your BREATH helps to direct blood through your body so that your sex system is able to receive the beneficial oxygen and nutrients that blood delivers.
Anxiety, shame, or frustration around sex can prevent you from experiencing arousal … or any other sensation. And that’s because your body tenses up and contracts when you’re stressed or distracted by fearful ideas and thoughts and you’re not breathing correctly.
This tension prevents erectile tissue in your sex system from being open and available to blood. With no fresh oxygen, your erectile tissue shuts down, and along with it goes any kind of pleasure or sensation that you might want to experience.
Think back to when you’ve experienced stress or some kind of emotional tension. You might clench your jaw or your belly, or draw your shoulders up toward your ears—you SHRINK yourself up when there’s a trigger that causes fear. Again, you contract.
It’s also way more difficult to breathe when you’re in this contracted state. Even though this contraction in your body seems to be automatic doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do about it. There IS A SOLUTION!
The most effective solution to this automatic contraction? BIGGER, fuller breaths. Your breath creates expansion and SPACE and ultimately gives that fresh, oxygenated blood room to move through your body’s systems.
And when you breathe more effectively during sex, the space inside of your body that’s available for PLEASURE SENSATION (i.e. your ORGASM)expands.
When you clench your fist, for example, you shrink all of the spaces where blood might travel inside of your hand. You cut off circulation … AND any sensation. But when you unclench and relax your fist, blood starts to move freely, and you feel warmth or tingling as it travels to the previously closed-off parts of your hand.
Breathing helps to move blood through your sex system in the same way, by expanding the spaces that you might have had closed off through that unconscious tension we were just discussing, like those spaces that house your erectile tissue.
This expansion creates more room for fresh blood and sensation. But most importantly, it gives your arousal and sexual energy more ROOM TO PLAY.
Literally everyone has a sexual imbalance.
Whether it’s premature ejaculation, a lack of sensation (numbness), or sexual shame that you’re healing from, ALL of these can prevent you from experiencing pleasure to its fullest during sex.
The good news is that you have control over your body.
By learning to breathe FOR your sex experience—in a way that supports your body and sensation—you’ll encourage and train your sex system to open up to fuller and BIGGER pleasure.
You can enjoy more arousal, more goosebumps, more spine and body tingles, and even more orgasms when you breathe with the intention of supporting your sex system.
“Great,” you might say, “But just how am I supposed to remember how to breathe when I’m focused on SO MANY other things during sex?”
The answer is to KEEP IT SIMPLE. In fact, your homework RIGHT NOW is to ONLY focus on your breathing during self-pleasure or sex. You’re going to forget the idea that sex is all about cumming, or fucking in lots of new, different positions, or blowing your partner’s mind. You’re JUST going to focus on breathing, and expanding the sensation that you feel in your own body with your breath. Because when you do, pleasure will automatically find room to grow in your sex system!
See, breathing fills your lungs with air, but now you know that breathing ALSO expands any space where sensation can travel. So your job is to focus on how your breath MOVES that sensation. You’ll have to slow down and relax enough to focus this way. But when you build awareness around your breath, you intentionally make room for sensation and arousal to grow. You give your sexual energy a place to BLOSSOM.
Here are a couple of easy, actionable sensual Tantra breathing practices that you can explore to practice breathing and grow your pleasure sensation. You can do these on your own or with a partner, so that the next time you have sex, you’re more conditioned to breathe the right way.
With this breath, you will focus on expanding the sensation of pleasure that you feel during sex. When you implement this breath it triggers your body to open up and become available for more fresh oxygenated blood. Practice this breath NOW, while you’re not sexually active, to understand how to implement it during sex.
When you have sex, catch yourself anytime you’re NOT breathing in an expanded way and then take a few breaths to remind your body and mind how to support your expanded orgasmic experience.
See how simple this breathing practice is? And, it’s SO EFFECTIVE. If there’s one breath you should learn for sex, it’s this one.
This is an awesome breath that will increase the sensation of your orgasm and the heat in your body. But you have to be very careful with this breath.
A couple of notes: Firstly, this breath can bring you to climax, or very very close, very easily. Secondly, you MUST BREATHE FROM YOUR BELLY not your chest when you use this breath. If you don’t, you could experience a state of temporary paralysis. No joke … it’s not dangerous and very temporary, but still uncomfortable. So be cautious when using this breath.
Give it a try once you’ve mastered the above breath, and breathing in and out of your belly instead of your chest.
Once again, practice before you have sex in a comfy position.
Done correctly, this breath sounds like panting, and it feels like bliss! You don’t have to focus on anything but the breath during this practice, sensation will expand no matter what.