When it comes to truly enhancing the sexual energy in your relationship, intimacy and sexual tension are where it’s at.
But these two elements can be difficult to access or build when you can’t actually be with your partner in person. Or perhaps you’re living in the same space with your loved one, and things feel a little like a pressure cooker, with everyone on top of each other (but not in a good way).
Either way, it’s hard to find an intimate connection with your partner and enjoy your sexual chemistry when everyone is forced into crisis mode. So right now is a great time for you to start refining your relationship to both intimacy and sexual tension.
Master these two essential ingredients to your hot sexual connection NOW and reap the rewards for a lifetime!
You probably already realize that there’s more to a great sexual connection than just physical sex. AWESOME SEX is made up of different components:
Intimacy (feeds Sexual Energy) + Tension (feeds Sexual Chemistry) = A VIBRANT SEXUAL CONNECTION
But if you’re forced into being around someone for days on end (too little sexual tension), or you haven’t been able to see your partner in person for weeks now (too little intimacy), your sexual connection will suffer because your formula is thrown way off. The good news is you can play with the formula to energize your intimate connection and exaggerate positive sexual tension.
It’s important (and maybe relieving) to know that when you grow intimacy, or any kind of creative energy in your relationship, you FEED the sexual connection between you and your partner. Sometimes that happens in ways you don’t expect. And the tension between you, whether you’re together or separated, also feeds your sexual connection.
So let’s explore more! Here are some ideas to get the sexy sparks flying (in or out of quarantine).
1). Naked reading! Find a chapter of your favorite book and read it out loud to your partner, naked … while they’re fully clothed. You can even take turns reading out loud to each other. If you’re physically together, no touching creates sexual tension. (This is a nod to the brilliant Naked Girls Reading project by Michelle L’Amour previously hosted in downtown Chicago.)
2). Find time to talk dirty! If you’re not sure where to start, take a page from Tammy Nelson’s Getting the Sex You Want, and play a fun 30-minute game to get your juices flowing.
THE GAME: Both you and your partner write down five sexually charged words that refer to your partner’s body. You can reference breasts, penis, nipples, armpit, thigh … whatever part of their body excites you!
When you have your lists, take turns sharing your words …
Lean back and say one of the words to your partner while looking them in the eyes. They should respond with the first word (probably an adjective) they think of when they hear your word. For example, you might say, “pussy,” and they might respond with, “dripping.” Complete your entire list of words … then switch.
This is a simple but great way to explore naughtier vocabulary and creates comfort and intimacy around sex.
3). Give them a hand (even when you’re not there). Ask if your partner would enjoy guided masturbation, where you talk them through some yummy self-pleasure. Sensually guide your partner to explore their body in a variety of ways …
“Tugg on your nipple and tell me how that feels.”
“Undo your belt and get those pants unzipped? Are you hard … or wet?”
“Imagine my mouth on your neck when you do that.”
“On a scale of 1-10, excite yourself to a 7 … then stop. Hands off!”
4). Make it a date night, even if you can’t celebrate. Play dress up like it’s an extra special evening out, and you’re doing it in style. Take pictures to capture the moment, and send them to your partner.
5). Set up a vision board together! You can talk through it over a Google hangout or a phone call, but it should be a shared experience that you build together. Where do you want to go together? What do you want to do? What do you want to explore?
Share what you think about how you want things to look in your relationship, and envision your relationship’s future.
6). Create a sensual space or meditation room in your home. Set up and decorate a sex room if you live together. If you don’t have a spare room, use extra space in a corner or somewhere that you can dedicate to spending quiet, intimate time together.
Get some supplies: Sheepskin rug, incense, candles, flowers, crystals, and sex exploration accouterments.
7). Check your pulse. A pulse check is a brief, but grounding exercise where you take a moment to assess your overall mood so that you can recalibrate and get more intimate with yourself.
You can do this entirely on your own, and might even schedule it on your calendar. Set aside just one or two minutes to pause, take a breath, and reflect for a moment. Are you stressed, feeling scattered, low-energy, or hopeless? Do you notice tension or heaviness anywhere?
“Acknowledging our internal levels helps us to not turn these feelings on one another and it helps us regulate,” according to Esther Perel, who suggests doing a personal pulse check several times a day.
If you live with someone, share this idea with them, and encourage them to do their own pulse checks throughout the day.
8). Get out into nature. Fresh air, sunshine, and nature are great sources of HEALING. Getting out in nature balances you out, replenishes your health, and rebalances your body … and that’s totally sexy! Not only will you boost your immune system, but also all of those positive chemicals that aid in sustaining your awesome sexual connection.
9). Use the power of eye-gazing. Eye-gazing can be intensely intimate and establishes a deeper, trusting connection between two partners. Eye-gazing will also create some LOVELY, luscious tension and longing between you and your partner. Play the look-but-don’t-touch game with your partner: let the eye-gazing be its own activity. Spend time looking into each other’s eyes, build up tension and ache for each other … then leave the space without touching at all. YUMMY!
10). Body reveal and honor. In this practice, you share your body with your partner in a totally different but super intimate way. Just like eye-gazing, this is about looking but not touching to create sexual tension.
Start with at least one full layer of clothing on, and piece by piece reveal your body to your partner. All they need do is see you. You can each reveal one piece at a time, switching back and forth; or one person can fully reveal, and then switch.
This practice is also great for healing body-image issues, body dysmorphia, and feeling disconnected from your body during sex.
11). Ground together! Even if you’re just gardening or doing yoga in the backyard, the act of grounding and connecting with the earth is super sensual. Go barefoot so you’re in direct contact with the ground.
12). Pull out the board games! Get out the cards, or any puzzles you have in the house; have fun with your partner so that you’re not looking at screens all day. If they’re not living with you, the two of you could play the same game long-distance, or download virtual Scrabble.
13). Prepare a meal together. Sometimes figuring out what to eat can be a chore, but treat it like a culinary OPPORTUNITY. Explore new recipes, use different ingredients than you normally would, and expand your taste horizons together! Cooking is a SUPER intimate activity for couples (and can really be fun)!
14). Make it a PICNIC! Transform a boring, everyday dinner into something different. Make things easy with fun appetizers (fruit, veggies, crackers, cheese) and set up a picnic blanket in your backyard, on your front steps, or near the fireplace.
15). Hop in the bath together. Make your bath extra sexy with candles, bubbles, and essential oils. And spend extra time massaging and feeling your partner’s body––slippery and wet. If you can’t have your partner IN the tub with you, they’ll probably enjoy some of your bathtime selfies … feel free to get naughty, but use a self-timer shot on your camera so you don’t drop your phone in the water!
16). Meditate or just calibrate your breath with your partner. Face back-to-back so that you can feel the rhythm of your partner’s breath. Try to get your breath to be one rhythm. If you’re long-distance, you can even try a few minutes of meditation time over video with them.
17). Plan structured time with your partner! Collaborate on a schedule, so that kids can work or play on their own, and adults know there’s dedicated time to be together. Meet up in your SEX ROOM, or set one up so there’s a space for you and your partner to get that time with each other.
18). Write your partner an old school letter. Make your language open and honest, and share your appreciation of them, tell a joke, or just say what’s on your mind. You can also get them a small gift or card. Put it in the mailbox for them to find later, because who doesn’t love getting surprise mail?
19). Create a sexy + sensual playlist for pleasure. Put together a list of songs to listen to while you’re self-pleasuring, then share it with your partner and invite them to explore the same way. Ask them to tell you about their experience. (You can make collaborative playlists on Spotify, too!)
20). Sexy selfie swap! Ask your partner to take naughty photos or short video of themselves while they masturbate, or send them your own images or video to help inspire their arousal.
21). Take those pics to the next level with a sexy boudoir shoot. Get out your favorite lingerie and have your partner take pictures of you (show off for a long-distance partner over FaceTime).
22). Write a sex questionnaire! Get curious with your questions and list them out, then email the list to your partner. Find out what they fantasize about, what they find really sexy, what they desire to experience … and encourage them to write about specifics.
How do you like your (body part) to be touched?
What’s your favorite way to be kissed?
Is there a kink or taboo that you haven’t explored before and want to try?
What was the sexiest experience you’ve ever had in your life? Why did you find it so sexy?
23). Make sure you’re still saying “please” and “thank you.” Tell them when they’re supporting you and what it means to you.
ASSIGNMENT: Say at least 3 unique statements a day that express appreciation and affection (or leave little appreciation notes on their nightstand).
It means a lot that you ask how my project is going.
Thanks for helping me with the laundry earlier.
I love hearing you laugh, it really makes me happy.
Thank you for making that delicious dinner.
24). Send them pictures of your dream home or vacation together. Planning a future together is a super intimate act between partners! Talk about how you’d layout the different rooms in your dream home, or what your hotel room looks like, or how the sex room in your home would look.
Whether your relationship is decades old or new and fresh, it can be a challenge to create a sustainable connection.
Getting naked and expressing affection is a great way to engage with your partner, but there’s more to intimacy than just foreplay and having sex.
REJOICE, because there are at least twenty more ways that you can spark intimacy between the two of you! And we bet you can think of even more …
These little acts of intimacy and excitement ensure that the sex you have next time will be even MORE connected and fulfilling and that your vibrant sexual connection keeps expanding!
Need a sure-fire way to tap into your sensuality but don’t know where to start? Check out our tried-and-true Full Body Orgasm Guide! It’s perfect for when you’re forced to #stayathome.